1. When did you first decide you wanted to be a comedian and why?
 
Comedy isn’t something you decide to do, it’s something that decides you. That would be a good answer if I was a cowboy/ bounty hunter or space traveler. Actually, I think towards the end of high school. I constantly watched standup on HBO growing up and listened to comedy records and one day it occurred to me that you can be a comedian instead of a programmer or something.

2. What do you think makes a good comedian?

I think sincerity. If you’re genuinely trying to convey something, even if it’s weird, and you can, that’s great. Also probably being very funny makes someone good. I know Hollywood prizes likeability too, which is important. It’s only boring when likeability replaces funny.

3. With the qualities stated in question 2, who do you think is a good comedian?

I have a slight fear that these questions are being asked by a machine that intends to take over the world using standup. Still, I’ll answer them. I think Louis C.K. is amazing. There lots of good comedians, Todd Barry, Patton Oswalt, Demetri Martin, David Cross, Emo Philips, Paul F. Tompkins. There are many more, but I want to keep them a secret from you in case you plan on destroying them.

4. What is the biggest obstacle in your career that you have had to overcome?

I don’t know. It’s not really a matter of specific obstacles. It’s not like the 60’s where you get on Johnny Carson and you’re a hit. So you’re constantly dealing with lots of tiny obstacles that you’re overcoming. I think people make their own careers and thinking that there is someone or something preventing you doesn’t seem helpful. And at the risk of congratulating you, I think that the Internet and sites like MySpace have helped people so much with promotion that it removes a lot of the obstacles, in terms of people hearing about you. Still, please tell random bands to stop sending me messages, especially Art of Chaos. I don’t want to know what they’re mad at, though I imagine it has to do with uncertainty in the universe.
 
5. What piece of advice do you give to new comedians that upon looking back, you would have given yourself your first years of performing?

Try to get audiences to get what you’re trying to do. I think when you’re starting out you mistake not being a good comedian for audience not “getting” you. It’s probably your fault, not theirs. I used to do very weird things (perform in a gas mask among them) and though it was sometimes funny because it seemed so crazy, I think most audiences were confused. It’s up to the performer to convey why something is funny. Of course some audiences suck and won’t get something, but often you can figure out a way to change a joke or bit so that it’s funny and people get it, unless they are retarded, which happens.
 
6. When can they see you next? (clubs/events)
 
I do a show every Wednesday in the East Village in New York at Rififi. I’m also doing a mid-west tour as part of Comedians of Comedy and then an east coast tour in May when my album comes out with Michael Showalter and Leo Allen. 

7. What comics would you like to share the stage with?
 
I’ve shared the stage with a lot of comics that I admire. You can have five comics on one show and you shared the stage pretty easily. If Steve Martin did standup again I’d gladly open. And though they’re not comics, maybe Robyn Hitchcock or Lou Reed.

8. What is the most memorable experience you have had in your career?

Probably one of the most memorable was when I was in college I wrote a letter to Emo Philips and gave it to a bouncer at a comedy club along with a tape of my standup. About a month later, I received a 5 page letter typed on a typewriter from Emo with lots of advice. That was amazing. I really admired him and he turned out to be very nice and helpful. And also, probably the first time I did Conan. That was very exciting for me. I lived in Boston at the time and they flew me in and a man with my name of a piece of paper met me at the airport.
 
9. What do you think is the biggest misconception of comedians that people have?

That we won’t have sex with strangers in a bathroom. Of course we will. And of course that we’re all depressed. I’m sure a lot of Firemen are depressed too, but it’s not ironic so nobody cares. Though people would love it if Firemen always had a fever. They be like, “Did you know Firemen have fevers?” That’s what they’d say to each other all the time. Instead they talk about how sad comedians are. We’re not sad. We’re angry and lonely. It’s different.
 
10. What were some of your favorite sitcoms?

You could have asked shows, then I could say the Daily Show. Now I can’t. I have to say According To Jim, even though I’m pretty sure that show slowly kills whoever sees it.
 
11. What is your favorite movie?
 
I don’t know. I stopped having favorite things when I grew the fuck up, asshole. Annie Hall maybe? I like Better Off Dead a lot. Batman Begins was exciting. Bowling For Columbine is pretty great. And I bet there are a bunch of other documentaries I like. Can I say my favorite movie is the History Channel? No? Then Annie Hall it is.

12. When and how did you first hear about MySpace.com? Have you connected with anyone that you have wanted to, if not, who would you like to re-connect with?

I first heard about MySpace when I was doing a show at the Middle East in Boston and someone who worked there said he thought a lot of people were coming because the show was all over Friendster and MySpace. And I remember thinking, “What’s MySpace?” And now? Nobody uses Friendster, all they have is weird sex ads. Oh well. Should have let bands have profiles. (By the way, could MySpace stop running True.com ads? My penis hates their plays on words. If the ads were any more annoying they would be Axe body spray commercials.) I’ve mostly used MySpace to promote stuff, but I have gotten in touch with people from high school, elementary school, and old jobs. Though, from your question it sounds like I’m supposed to say, “I’d like to re-connect with Dr. Fiveash through MySpace.” But I can probably just google him. I’d love to re-connect with a girl I like who I met a little while ago. Is it re-connecting if it’s just from a month ago? Maybe if she knew how many MySpace friends I had she would go out with me? I guess we’ll find out.