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Legal Disclaimer
Welcome to Eugenemirman.com terms and conditions of use. These terms and conditions of use apply to and govern your use of the www.eugenemirman.com website (the "Site"). Your use of the Site signifies your agreement to be bound by these terms and conditions. If you do not agree to be bound by these terms and conditions of use, you may not access or otherwise use the Site. More over, if you donıt agree to the terms, it means youıre chicken. What are you so afraid of? Letıs find out
Website Terms And Conditions Of Use
License to Use the Site
Eugenemirman.com grants you a non-exclusive, non-transferable, limited right to access, use and display the Site and the materials thereon for your personal use only, provided that you comply fully with these terms and conditions of use. What are some of these terms?
By looking at the Site you agree to owe Eugene Mirman $100,000 upon his request. If you do not have the money, then you agree to give it to him when you ³make it.²
You grant Eugenemirman.com the right to name one of yours kids (not all, donıt worry), even if they already have a name. Sorry, Jen, your new name is Mr. Balls.
If you ever see Eugene Mirman on the street feel free to say hi and tell him you enjoy the site. In fact, by viewing this site, you agree to enjoy it and never say otherwise.
If you ever watch the Tonya Danza show, be careful. But enjoy his charisma and recipes.
By opening the Site you agree to stop partaking in Americaıs sexualization of our tweens and teens (under 18). However, if you see an 18 year old go wild, you agree to have sex with her and send the videotape to Sean Hannity, who is rumored to like young girls. This rumor, by the way, was created right here by me. I donıt believe itıs true. That right — it is untrue. This is not a real thing. But itıs too late to stop it. I heard that ³some people say² Sean Hannity likes young women. Those people are me. And I take it back, but itıs too late. The rumor is too huge for me to stop now.
If you are Sean Hannity, by looking at this site, you agree to give me $10 for every time you pee. Otherwise, you will put yourself under house arrest or be fined $6 per pee. Thatıs right, Sean, this is a great deal! If you donıt pay me $10, you only owe me $6. I am a really nice finer (one who gives fines).
Depending on what you are wearing, you may be eligible for an award.
Eugenemirman.com does not claim to solve yours problems, unless your problem is a chemical imbalance, then this Site may raise your serotonin levels. Just look at the Site three times a week. If you donıt feel better sorry.
By opening this page you agree to read this whole thing and then answer a few questions about your sex-capades.
Eugenemirman.com reserves the right to take anything from your house and replace it with something totally different. Hey sucker, just by reading it, you agreed to it!
Copyright 2000-2005 by Eugene Mirman All Rights Reserved.
All materials contained on this Site are subject to the ownership rights of Eugenemirman.com and its suppliers. Eugenemirman.com hereby authorizes you to make a single copy of the content herein for your use in learning about, evaluating, or ordering Eugenemirman.com' merchandise. You agree that any copy made must include Eugenemirman.com' copyright notice. No other permission is granted to you to print, copy, reproduce, distribute, transmit, upload, download, store, display in public, alter, or modify the content contained on this website.
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