It began with seeing a few posters at bus stops around NY: Steven Seagal is about to have a TV show on A&E where he is a deputy sheriff in the south (near New Orleans I think). For those who don’t know, Steven Seagal is a celebrated marksman and a 7th-degree black belt in Slappity-Slap-kido (a form of Aikido that involves some magic and a lot of harsh slapping and dodging). Here’s a preview for his show:

One of my favorite lines, “I’ve studied martial arts for most of my life, so I have a lot of confidence in myself, but I really worry about my own team members sometimes. So, today I’m going to teach these boys some new tricks.” Unlike most policemen, Steven is so confident in his martial arts training, he’ll brazenly approach armed men — but he’s worried that his team might not have that same unnerving confidence (so he’s going to teach them how to flip tiny Asian men). I think he’s confusing himself with Batman.

As far as I can tell, this show is mostly Steven Seagal driving around, acting unreasonably cocky, and arresting slightly inebriated, somewhat-pleased-to-meet-him poor people. I don’t mean to make fun of him, considering from this short clip he was one of the three lead detectives who stopped a man from doing donuts in a parking lot and then sort of helped wrestle him out of the car, or not, can’t tell from the quick cutting.

In conclusion, here’s a Steven Seagal song that shines a light on the clash between religions (he suspiciously leaves out Wickens and Protestants?). I can say with certainty that Steven thinks violence is a bad way to solve religious conflicts. However, with his career as proof, he does think it’s a good way to stop corporate environmental abuse, corrupt cops, and Eric Bogosian.

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

The lyrics, for those who don’t have time to listen to the whole song: